Abstinence Is Not Sobriety
Redefining What It Means to Live Wholehearted and Free
Let’s start with the truth:
You can be sober and still feel lost.
You can abstain from every substance, every compulsive behavior—and still be disconnected from your body, your relationships, your purpose, your life.
Because abstinence is not the same as sobriety.
And sobriety is not one-size-fits-all.
The recovery world is often full of rigid rules, narrow definitions, and a kind of black-and-white thinking that leaves so many people out. But real recovery, deep, soul-level healing asks something more honest of us. It asks us to tell the truth about our pain. To make peace with our story. To build a life that feels like freedom, not just looks like control.
So today, I want to talk about what sobriety really means and how it can look very different from person to person.
The Myth of “Perfect” Sobriety
We live in a culture that loves a clear label. We want boxes to check:
Drinking? Not drinking.
Using? Not using.
Addict? Recovered.
But recovery is not that tidy. And neither are people.
Someone might be technically abstinent, no alcohol, no drugs, no outward compulsive behaviours, but still caught in cycles of shame, self-criticism, people-pleasing, or emotional numbing. That’s not sobriety. That’s white-knuckling.
Real sobriety is about presence. It’s about being emotionally awake, spiritually grounded, and genuinely connected to yourself and others.
It’s about choosing wholeness over hiding.
And it rarely happens overnight.
There Are Many Kinds of Addiction
Let’s expand the conversation.
Addiction doesn’t just mean alcohol or heroin or a secret pill stash. It can look like:
Workaholism
Disordered eating
Codependent relationships
Compulsive sex
Gambling
Internet and social media addiction
Pornography
Shopping
Rage
Validation-seeking
Numbing through constant busyness
If you’re using anything to escape yourself, that’s a sign. Not that you’re bad or broken, but that there’s something underneath asking for your attention. Something hurt. Something tender. Something human.
And here’s where it gets powerful:
You don’t need to hit rock bottom to start healing.
You just need to get curious about the patterns that keep pulling you away from yourself.
There Are Also Many Ways to Be Sober
For some people, sobriety is abstaining from all mood-altering substances. For others, it might include harm reduction, medication-assisted treatment, or a non-12-step path. Some people find healing in AA. Others find it in yoga, therapy, creative expression, or spiritual practices.
There is no “right” way to get sober. There is only the way that helps you come home to yourself.
And here’s the kicker: your path might change over time. That doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It means you’re growing.
Redefining Sobriety as a Way of Living
In my coaching practice, I often talk about sobriety as a relationship—not a rulebook.
It’s a relationship with your truth. Your body. Your boundaries. Your breath. Your integrity.
True sobriety says:
I’m allowed to feel everything and still be safe.
I can name what I need without guilt.
I don’t have to earn rest, love, or belonging.
I don’t need to numb my pain to survive, I can learn to hold it with care.
Sobriety is less about subtraction (what you’ve removed) and more about addition, what you’re building.
It’s the life you’re creating in the space recovery makes possible.
You Deserve a Life That Feels Like Freedom
If you’ve ever thought, I quit drinking, so why do I still feel empty? You’re not alone.
If you’ve ever wondered, Do I really belong in recovery if I don’t fit the “addict” label? You do.
If you’re craving a way of living that’s honest, wholehearted, and deeply aligned with your values, you’re already on the path.
You don’t have to follow someone else’s roadmap. You get to create your own.
Sobriety is yours to define. And when you root it in purpose, not punishment you begin to live a life that’s not just free of substances, but full of meaning.
Want to explore what your version of sober and purposeful looks like?
With fierce compassion and zero judgment.
Jacqueline Roth
Certified Professional Recovery Coach
